Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Get to Know your Fellow Commuters: Part 3

...Hey, isn't that the hotel we stayed in when we went to Washington?.....I've never been to Washington with you.....Oh, crap.

***

The relative calm of March Break has unfortunately not completely rid the subway of its more unlikeable passengers. This morning I ran into "Queen Shit". This miserable woman believes that her 4-digit handbag is entitled to its own seat. In her misguided view of society's hierarchy her bag ranks ahead of me and a handful of other Torontonians on their way to work. Thankfully she didn't have her lap dog with her or we'd all still be waiting on the platform. To step back a week or so, I started this series as an attempt to avoid unnecessary confrontation and the stress that would cause. I felt that rather than getting myself all worked up about how inconsiderate and oblivious the majority of Toronto's subway riders are I could find a way to channel it into something amusing. This was my attempt at modern-day anthropology. Actually, I'm not even sure that's the right term. Regardless I just wanted to rip in to people in a manner that released, rather than built, tension. Besides, there is clearly no way to change this behaviour as it seems so deeply ingrained in these soulless creatures. There does not appear to be even a shred of decency which I could possibly appeal to. Today I had to remind myself of my detached observer role as I fought off the urge to ask this shrew if her purse was comfortable. I would have followed that up by explaining to whoever was next to me that "the bag needs its own seat...as does her purse". As much as that would have been enjoyable for me it would have likely sent this woman straight to her local botox purveyor, followed by heroic amounts of percocet mixed with Grey Goose. I don't need that on my conscience.

So there you have it. Queen Shit, you suck!

1 comment:

Marty said...

What about the Bullet Train? This person, (not to make it a race issue, but is quite often of Eastern descent....and I don't mean Cape Breton), is the one who will cut your throat for the remaining seat on a train.

It wouldn't matter if there was 2 inches of seat stuck between those two motorcycle riding, fat twins from the Guinness Record Book....the "Bullet Train" will shove every person out of the way for the opportunity to wedge themselves into that seat.

Watch when the doors open to a car with a few remaining seats. The "Bullet Train" will shoot, like a bullet, through the crowds...throwing elbows in the process...to get one of the seats.

Normally, the "Bullet Train" is around 4'8", weighing in at 75 lb.