Thursday, March 6, 2008

Get to Know your Fellow Commuters: Part 1

...talk about a violation of free speech. What's the point of asking for contributions from the general public if you're not going to use them? The thought police at Alesse apparently didn't feel that my idea fit in with their campaign. Personally, if you think you're going to sell more birth control pills with "I'm flalesse" than with "You must be alesse because you wouldn't go out with me in high school" you don't know the first think about marketing.

***

Now that I've spent a good eight months commuting to work via the TTC I have had sufficient opportunity to get to know my fellow passengers. They are a diverse group from all walks of life: lawyers, students, nannies, life coaches, homeless drunks. What most of them share, however, is a common awfulness that comes together to make every subway ride even more miserable than the last. Over the next few days/weeks I'll be introducing you to some of them. Let's start with this guy...

The Remora: The marine biologists amongst you will know what I'm talking about here. Remoras are the suckerfish that attach themselves to sharks in the hopes of feeding off the scraps that fall from the mouths of their carnivorous hosts. On the subway the remora will quickly attach itself to the back of a larger patron usually by burrowing their forehead into your lower back (there are some shockingly small people on public transit) as they squeeze in for that last square inch of open real estate. While the remora can go unnoticed by the shark in the depths of the ocean the TTC remora is impossible to ignore. The constant bumping and the sound of shuffling feet can't be missed. The most irritating of these leeches will latch on to you as soon as the doors open, even when there is seemingly more than enough time and space to get on without being in the back pocket of your fellow passenger. There really is very little in the world more annoying than being gently nudged in the back as you step into a smelly subway car.

So to you, Remora. You suck!

3 comments:

47_Ronin said...

This morning I saw the best one yet (and something I've never seen before on the TTC). A husband used his wife as a fullback - basically standing behind her as he pushed her (and thus she pushed people) into the crowded car. Of course people turned around to give the person shoving them what for - but saw it was a lady and said nothing. Both clever and disgusting all at the same time.

Marty said...

How about the VIP? The person who is so eager to be the first person off the car and up the stairs, that they will wedge themselves between you and the soon to be open doors....even though you are clearly lined up to get off the car at the same stop.

Anonymous said...

inseparable http://cciworldwide.org/members/Garage-Door-Openers.aspx http://cciworldwide.org/members/Area-Rugs.aspx http://cciworldwide.org/members/Omeprazole.aspx http://cciworldwide.org/members/Vacuum-Cleaners.aspx http://cciworldwide.org/members/Annuity-Calculator.aspx