Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Get to Know your Fellow Commuters: Part 2

It looks like my esteemed comment makers are doing my job for me. I very much appreciate their help in completing this commuters who's who. Our combined work is becoming much like that of the Group of Seven except that ours is obviously much more original (Why don't you paint another windswept tree, A.Y. Jackson!). So to recap, we have "The Remora", "Marital I-formation" and "The VIP". Let me add two other wacky characters today. The first is the polar opposite to the aforementioned VIP. While the VIP is known for their premature push to be at the front of the line, the "Snoozer" is characterized by their delayed, frantic dash to escape the car. The VIP is too eager to leave while The Snoozer is too late to leave. As their name would dictate the Snoozer can miraculously fall asleep in any position be it standing, seated or leaning. No one actually knows what rouses the Snoozer from their slumber or if they have any idea what stop they're supposed to get off at. All that is known is that they will awake only when the doors are about to close triggering the half-asleep passenger to bolt towards the closing door regardless of what may be in their way or what stop they're at. Watching this desperate rush towards the closing door can be quite entertaining when you're not in their direct path. It's similar to the opening scene of Raider's of the Lost Ark if Indy was completely uncoordinated and just woke up. A close relative to the Snoozer is the patron who is awake but is not paying attention due to an engrossing Sudoku, a fascinating conversation about what they read on a fellow student's Facebook page or just because their head is firmly up their ass. At the very last moment they realize that they need to get out and make the very same clumsy, hurried dash through the crowd to get off. This person is simply, an idiot.

One of the more harrowing experiences I had on the TTC was during one of my very first commutes. As the subway was heading east on the Danforth-Bloor line I noticed a passenger who was somewhat agitated yet also very excited looking. His expression went from just any other irritated passenger to wild-eyed nutjob as soon as we approached the DVP overpass. If any of you remember the look on the face of that crazy bastard who tried to run over his daughter and her boyfriend a while back because of some backwards customs (BTW, don't label me insensitive for that comment. Even the most tolerant amongst us need to call bullshit when someones beliefs involve running over their own daughter). Anyways "Wild Eyes'" expression, along with the presence of an overpass and the geopolitical issues we now face combined to put me into instant "let's roll" mode. If he reached for his shoelaces I was ready to jump him. Thankfully he just sat there revelling in his own craziness and the commute went off without any need for vigilantism. "Wild Eyes", I apologize for thinking you were a terrorist when, in fact, you're just a whack job or perhaps you may just suffer from some sort of ocular condition.

Anyways, "The Snoozer" and you're cousin "The Idiot", you suck! "Wild Eyes", you may need to see an eye doctor.

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