Thursday, February 7, 2008

Don't mind him, he's just old...and a total ass


...it felt good to laugh again, that was until the staples in my spleen ripped. It then felt terrible to laugh.

***

I'm just going to say one more thing about football and then I'll move on until at least the draft run-up. I promise. This is a quick message to Ted Rogers, "Ted, shut up". Maybe you've gone completely senile in which case this is a message more for your nursemaids and bag changers. If so, keep your patient away from microphones. From all accounts Ted is, however, still very much "with it" other than the fact that like many men who've reached his advanced age he has shut off any filters between his brain and his mouth. His performance at the press conference yesterday announcing the Bills games in Toronto was atrocious. While his "we'll charge as much as we possibly can" for tickets honesty was welcomed by shareholders and local media it showed a complete lack of tact for those that are legitimately worried that we (being Toronto) are stealing their team. Bills owner Ralph Wilson approach to the issue showed a bit more sensitivity but still did little to calm those of Western New York that see us as the Yankees, Cowboys and Haliburton all rolled into one. Jerry Sullivan, the long-time Bills columnist from the Buffalo News, described Rogers as having "the smug, lascivious expression of a fox who had just been invited into the henhouse". Wow, sounds like something I would write only more coherent. With Ted essentially giving the people of Buffalo a big "go F yourself" he is fostering a rather uncomfortable environment for existing Canadian Bills fans who still want to travel to the Ralph to watch a game with actual fans. You might as well take a piss on old glory while calling Jim Kelly a tranny. He is doing to us what Dubya has done to Americans with passports. The figure representing us publicly has turned us into absolute pariahs. I could already sense some tension last year after word of a pre-season game coming north began circulating. Things will get significantly worse thanks to the actions of old man Rogers.


At that moment Ralph suddenly thought "My God, what have I done?"

When I first heard about this press conference I was worried more that Ted and Ralph, at a combined age of 238, would embarrass themselves in some sad way as you'd expect from a couple of very, very old guys. I imagined they would start arguing about something being too loud or that things were taking too long and they may miss "Murder She Wrote". Instead I was embarrassed for completely different reasons. Ted, some may say your "straight talk" in showing that you care about nothing other than maximizing every dollar you can stuff in your front pocket is refreshing(Ted Rogers has no back pockets because he can no longer reach his own ass. True story. I used to get my haircut at the same place he did...terrible tipper apparently). Obviously, I would disagree. Ted, of course, would not be so frank when discussing cable rates or cell phone prices as he needs to maintain some semblance of customer service. He has no financial reason to show any compassion to the fans who have spent their hard earned money supporting this team for decades so he doesn't bother. Forget my little complaints about how I'll be treated and worry about how you're treating the good people on the other side of their border. They're having quite a tough go of it in that part of the country. Having the rich old guy from the big city callously bragging about how much he could sell tickets for a team that many people struggle to pay an average of $46 bucks to see is, quite frankly, appalling. Ted quite clearly is not, and has never been, a fan of sports or of anything other than making as much money as he can before he kicks it. His clear disregard for the importance of the Bills to their hometown is a clear indication of this.

So go on people, sign up at Billsintoronto.com for your one in a million chance to get royally screwed. The Inflated Cable Bills tickets will go fast and quite clearly Ted needs the money. Hopefully he can use it to buy a touch of class.

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