Friday, January 11, 2008

Mother Nature is a dirty tease

....so needless to say I'm no longer welcome in any of Toronto's public libraries. As far as I'm concerned it was a simple misunderstanding but unfortunately they don't see it that way. Bunch of fascists!

In other news, what's with the weather? I keep having to remind myself that it is January (Hell it's not even mid-January!) despite the fact that I was able to walk to the subway without an overcoat this morning. Invariably when I step outside and don't shudder from the bonechilling cold my mind shifts to all things Spring. Sitting on patios, playing golf, the arrival of better produce, having sunlight after 5 PM. Of course, those things are still months away. This unusually warm spell is nothing but a tease to make the coming weeks of snow, ice and slush that much more unbearable. Thanks for the reminder of what we're missing. Quit screwing with me Mother Nature! The false hope is soul crushing, much like when you wake up in the morning thinking its a Saturday only to suddenly realize its Monday, and that its noon, and you're in prison, and that's not your wife's hand. I took out the garbage the other night in a t-shirt (and pants). It was 14 degrees for Chrissakes! I swear I heard a pack of hyenas laughing in the distance. On Tuesday we hit a high of 15, 4 degrees hotter than it was in Baghdad. I'm sure it will take time to tally up the damage but I'm presuming we've had at least a couple of species die off given this absurd weather. I haven't seen a pigeon or squirrel in the last couple of days so I'm hoping it's one (or both) of them.




Don't listen kid, Mother Nature is just f-ing with you


When Spring does actually arrive it seems increasingly likely that it will once again not signal the start of a Leafs playoff run. Up until a few years ago spring brought with it the optimism of car flags, spontaneous honking and random high fives. It was a great time to be in the city. 2008 will, unfortunately, mark the four year anniversary of the last time there was any such merriment. The current state of the Maple Leafs represents a new ten year low. Mediocrity was the previous nadir, but this year they've plunged right through, now wallowing in a previously unseen level of undeniable shittiness. Even their most blindly optimistic supports, a group in which I would include myself, can no longer find any silver linings or reasons for optimism. The saddest thing about this year's debacle is that it is now painfully clear that the Mats Sundin era is about to come to an end without him ever even reaching the finals as a Maple Leaf. Mats is one of the classiest star players we've ever had in Toronto (in any sport). The fact that he has never been fully embraced by the city despite being the best player to ever don the Blue and White in the modern era is probably as much a commentary on Leafs fans than it is on any of his relatively non-existent shortcomings. Seeing Mats leading another team through the playoffs will give the guys in the Tucker and Domi jerseys a little sense of what they're missing. I believe it was Cinderella that said it best: "You don't know what you got (til it's gone)".

One day soon we will pick up the paper only to read that Mats Sundin has been traded. From that day forth all car flags will fly at half mast.

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