Tuesday, October 9, 2007

What did I ever do to deserve this?

Monday, October 8th. 11:57 PM EST: Unidentified man officially dies inside

So the Bills lose a game they were winning by eight points with 20 seconds left on the same day that the Leafs big off-season acquisition is diagnosed with cancer. Of course. I really should have seen this coming. I feel as though someone has forced me to swallow a jar of hot wax and it's just sitting in my gut smoldering. I don't see this feeling going away.

Luckily the news on Blake sounds encouraging. Despite the horrific sounding name, chronic myelogenous leukemia, appears to be a treatable cancer which won't immediately require radiation or chemotherapy. The fact that he will play through the disease is a testament to the wonders of modern science. If anything his fight against the disease could provide a rallying cry for the team. Regardless, we here at WWNW wish him a full and speedy recovery.

The Bills situation, conversely, is completely devoid of silver linings. I thought that writing about this may be therapeutic but its just the opposite. Every recollection is simply more salt in the wound. I feel like I'm stuck in the Everybody Hurts video. There are at least 11 things that could have happened in the last half of the fourth quarter which would have sealed up the game. Unfortunately none of them did and we're staring at 1-4.

I need to get to a happy place, like this guy.

I imagine he's busting into Anyway you want it by Journey right there. "Ooh, All night, All night". Either that or he was just kicked in the small of the back. This guy is two Michelob Ultras and a stirring rendition of Mustang Sally away from wrapping that tie around his head. At that point it will officially be on. Imagining this makes me mildly happier. At least I can crawl out from under my desk now.

I also have the burgeoning scandal at Oral Roberts University (Alma Mater of Rev. Ted Haggard and Cathie Lee Gifford) to look forward to. School President Richard Roberts, who you may recognize if you've ever flipped by the JC channel late at night, has allegedly been using school funds as his own personal piggy bank. There's also a tawdry text message angle to this story involving his wife and underage males. We're probably only a few days away from primped up evangelists bawling on television as they confess their sins. Then there will be all the absurd excuses and conspiracy theories. What will they blame this time? Painkiller addictions? The falling US Dollar? The View? Terry Schiavo? Emo? Subprime mortgages? All that we can be certain of is that when the veneer starts to come off these hypocrites things can only go in one direction, shithouse crazy! This is gonna be ssssweeeeet!

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