Thursday, October 4, 2007

DSW, I tap my foot to thee...

I've launched many trumped up lawsuits before but have yet to be successful. Me v. Will & Grace re: patent infringement on the joke: "let's go get a little Chinese...and then we'll get dinner" never actually made it to court. My more recent suit against Roots Canada for putting a sticker over the original price (implying it was on sale) on some baby clothes when the original price was actually lower hasn't gotten off the ground either. The latter has transitioned to boycott phase, even though I never went there in the first place. I guess by that logic, I'm also boycotting Cotton Ginny and those places by the airport that sell 3-for-1 suits. This time I may actually have something. DSW, the discount shoe company and an otherwise fine retailer, has started rolling out ESPN Zones within their shoe stores. This is something I have been calling for for years. Look back at this piece I wrote in August of 2002:


After yet another hour of my life wasted in a shoe store waiting for my girlfriend (Ed: now wife) I continue to wonder why retailers don't cater to the significant others of their target shoppers. What I wouldn't give for a comfortable chair and a TV with the game on. I also firmly believe that the coming war in Iraq is unwinnable and will lead the Bush administration to ruin despite their current popularity. Furthermore I predict this Atkin's craze will die off and that Britney Spears will turn into a cracked-out mess who may be homeless by 2008. Oh, and Jamie Foxx will win an Oscar for Booty Call 2.

Ok, I was a bit off with the last one but you have to admit the others were good, Nostradamus good. This move by DSW makes so much business sense. Numerous times my incessant whining has caused my wife to leave a store early limiting the amount of money she spends at that store. Now I will be more than happy to sit back and watch the game and she will no longer have to listen to "Are you done yet? Are you done yet?". If there is actually a mini-sports bar where I can sit and have a beer while watching sports than they may as well just hand the 2007 Nobel Prize to the fine folks at DSW. You know what, forget the lawsuit! Let DSW have my idea. I'll forgo my personal gain for the common good. You're welcome, world.


Choose from over 30,000 pairs of shoes to throw at the TV

The ACC crowd, particularly those in the platinum and gold sections, lived up to their reputation as a bunch of spoiled brats with a seriously misguided sense of entitlement last night. As a good friend of mine, who's a Sens fan, that was at last night's opener asked "who boos their starting goalie in the opener?". Idiots, that's who. We know Raycroft is a bit iffy so why make it worse? As I've said before the booing would be understandable if it was balanced by an equally rabid reaction when good things occurred on the ice but, as we've seen, it isn't. It's a disproportionate response by the worst crowd in hockey. Next game why don't you douchebags just stay in the concourse for the whole game, not just the first half of each period. My predictions back in 2002 weren't the only ones that seem to be coming true. Who was the best Leafs player last night? Nik Antropov, that's who.

While we're on the topic of me being right, I'm happy to see that now two of my most hated people in sports are finally getting their comeuppance. Bill Belichick was the first, now Isiah Thomas is the second. Isiah has screwed up absolutely everything he has touched since retiring as a player yet somehow still found a way to convince people that he should be paid ridiculous sums of money despite a track record where the only consistent theme was abject failure. Now he has been found guilty of sexual harassment (technically he wasn't charged as it was a civil case but he is responsible for his employer having to spend $11.8 million to clean up his mess). So far, he still has a job as (lucky for him) his boss is one of the few people around who may be worse at his job than Isiah is at his. Hopefully something happens so that Isiah can finally be removed from the public spotlight and sent packing once and for all. Being a terrible commissioner, executive, GM, coach, announcer and author is one thing (it's actually six things) but making life miserable for a working Mom is taking your game to a whole new level. As much as I hate the Knicks, even they don't deserve you. Given that everything seems to happen in threes, I fully expect that within the next few weeks Alex Rodriguez will be named an enemy combatant or Daniel Alfredsson will be caught stealing babies in Malawi. At that point, you'll all get a firm "I told you so".

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