Wednesday, September 26, 2007

The Korean knock-off that saved the season

Monday morning represented rock bottom for this Bills fan. I awoke with a miserable head cold probably brought about by exposure to terrible football. On Sunday afternoon I forced myself to sit through another devastating loss by the Bills in New England. While this year they got absolutely annihilated (as opposed to the last two games in Foxboro in which they found a way to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory) the pain was worsened by the broken forearm of middle linebacker Paul Posluszny and the leg injury to quarterback JP Losman. Two of the three reasons to watch the team are now gone (Poz for the season, JP for 2-3 weeks). Not only that but I had to listen for three hours while the CBS crew fawned over Tom Brady as he "picked apart" the Bills defense. Of course they were without six starters and at one point had their third-string safety playing corner. The fair-play Patriots seized on this opportunity to run up the score because "that's what Champions do"! Thankfully Bill Belichick wasn't around during WWII or Germany would still be a pile of rubble. The Bills dropping like flies and the Patriots being fellated for three hours on TV. Forget Job, that wimp has nothing on me!

Then came a knock on the door...

I carried little Charlie downstairs to find the mailman at the door with a package for me. I opened it to find the Marshawn Lynch jersey I had won on eBay and to my utter surprise, it was perfect. No crooked numbers, no Korean lettering on the back, no obvious flaws. Could this be a sign? Can I take this delivery from above (it was airmailed) as an indication that my suffering is now about to end? Will Marshawn Lynch (the only good thing about this team right now) lead this team back to respectability and perhaps one of the most unlikely playoff runs in recent history? Well here are two people who are at least hoping that's the case:

One of these people is delusional, the other just pooped their diaper

I felt even worse yesterday after falsely believing I was getting over my cold. As such, I've watched a fair bit of TV the last couple of days. Yesterday I listened to Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad tell me to embrace God, even listing a number of alternatives. What an accomodating guy! I`m going to tell him to embrace fantasy sports and will even pass along a list of sleeper picks for this coming hockey season (two words: Ilya Bryzgalov). Is it just me or is this guy one of the least imposing "dictators" in history? Where's the military garb or robes? Even his beard lacks the fear factor of the Ayatollah's, or Saddam's moustache for that matter. Physically, his stature is more Moby than Idi Amin. The wardrobe, which ranges between smart- and business-casual, says software executive more than it does religious fanatic. Again, maybe its just me. Like everyone I find his claim that there are no gays in Iran amusing, though that would explain why ratings for Will & Grace on Iranian State television were only so-so. I wonder how they ever stage a musical or who hosts Iranian Idol? He has to be making this up. After all, isn't Idaho the only place without gay people?

It`s not raining men, Hallelujah!

The other person that has dominated the airwaves the last few days is Jenny McCarthy. Now please don't take this as in any way a diminution of how tragic an affliction autism is, but is there something a bit discomforting about this story? For those of you who haven't heard the story I'll boil it down for you. Jenny McCarthy claims that she has cured her son's autism with a gluten-free diet. One of two things has happened here. One, Jenny McCarthy's son was never really autistic (which I doubt) or two, the medical community has been asleep at the wheel. When the greatest advances in treating a medical condition are being made by a former playmate and star of Baseketball we need to ask some questions about the research community. Is this the datapoint that finally convinces the medical establishment that it is a little too focused on making sure every old dude on the globe is sporting wood while ignoring more serious medical issues? Hey Pfizer, why don't you take just half your Viagra ad budget and buy some Bunsen burners! You've got some real work to do.

As a parent of a young child, McCarthy`s story is frightening. That`s probably why I feel the need to belittle it. It`s admittedly a childish tendency on my part which I won`t deny. My mother and sister worked very closely with a friend`s autistic daughter so through them I have some appreciation for how challenging it would be to raise a child with that affliction. Regardless of the circumstances let`s hope McCarthy`s son`s condition continues to improve. Sorry for the Baseketball rip, Jenny.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

One ugly shirt....but one cute kid!