Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Just a couple of innocent misunderstandings

There are two recent news stories that I have found particularly entertaining. Both are connected by the fact that the main character (is that the protaganist?) is probably not being completely straightforward with us. The first is the story of Chicago Bears linebacker Lance Briggs being charged with improper lane usage and leaving the scene of an accident after his wrecked $350k Lambourghini was found on the side of the highway. The crash took place at 3:15AM and only involved Mr. Briggs' ride. Briggs was nowhere to be found. Later the following day he met with police and was charged with the minimal offenses I previously mentioned. Obviously you don't need me to point out what is fishy about this story. If Briggs had nothing to hide (booze, drugs, Eddie Griffin's DVD collection) why did he abandon his $350k car? Isn't that a bit of a risk to take just so you can get home to bed? It was 3:15AM. It's not as if you had to get back in time for Conan. Since no one was injured it appears as though there will be no investigation. Whatever it was he was doing that caused the crash will apparently go unpunished by the law. Sheriiff Goodell, the Commissioner of the NFL, however, will likely suspend him for life.

The second story is much more entertaining. Republican Idaho Senator Larry Craig was recently arrested for lewd conduct after allegedly trying to get some "improper lane usage" of his own in an airport men's room with a plain clothes officer. Here's an excerpt from the story on Forbes.com:

"Sgt. Dave Karsnia made the arrest after an encounter in which he was seated in a stall next to a stall occupied by Craig. Karsnia described Craig tapping his foot, which Karsnia said he "recognized as a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct."

Sen.Craig (R:Idaho. It's rather redundant to mention that he's a Republican as the one's that frequent gay prostitutes always are) claimed that it was all a misunderstanidng due to the fact that he "has a wide stance". That's hilarious. Not only do you have to reveal that you're gay but you also have to disclose how you go about your business. There are no more secrets now, Larry.

Wait a minute. I'm sure I've tapped my foot in the stall of an airport bathroom. Hell, I'm tapping my foot right now. I need to avoid airports. Charlene, cancel my flight to San Francisco, through Key West.....with the layover on Fire Island and the connection in Turkey. Oh crap, what other "signals" are there that I may be unknowingly giving? I just sratched the back pocket of my assless chaps. That must mean something. What will I tell my daughter?

Here's another related thought, is using a plain clothes officer the best strategy for a gay sting? Don't you think that the plain clothes make his cover less believable? Perhaps I'm stereotyping but wouldn't the Land's End mockneck and Haggar slacks make the John a little suspicious? I think they need some fabulous clothes officer if they really want to clean up the men's rooms of America.

So to wrap up, Briggs gets off too easy while Sen. Craig doesn't. That's inappropriate.

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